The Approaching Storm
by Captain Spock
Summary: Sequel to Diddy's Kong Quest. Diddy and Dixie's vacation in the Vine Valley is rudely interrupted by the call of adventure when it turns out that K. Rool is trying to destroy DK Island again.
1. Vacation in the Vine Valley

Chapter One: Vacation in the Vine Valley

Diddy and Dixie Kong stared at the view over the Vine Valley. It looked just as Diddy remembered it, except of course that there was no huge pile of bananas on the island in the Viney Lake, as he and Donkey Kong had returned those bananas to the banana hoard. A wide jungle that hid a town of Kongs covered half the Vine Valley, while the other half consisted of the Viney Lake and some mysterious temples on the other shore of it. The Viney Lake was the Kongs' destination.

Dixie sighed. "You were right: it _is _pretty. This will be a great place for our vacation."

Diddy was glad she liked the Vine Valley. "I've wanted to come back here ever since Donkey Kong and I travelled through it when K. Rool stole the banana hoard. You wouldn't believe how many fish we saw when we swam through the lake."

"Speaking of which: I'll bet I can catch more fish than you when we get there." Dixie said with a mischievous grin.

"Why don't we get to the lake first, and then I'll be happy to defeat you in any activity you choose when we get there."

"We'll just see about that."

They walked down the hill into the jungle, holding hands. Diddy was really looking forward to just spending a couple of weeks relaxing by the lakeside with Dixie, just swimming and fishing and surfing.

"Can you even remember the last time we did _anything _together? Apart from eating lunch, I mean." he asked Dixie.

Dixie thought for a while. Then she seemed to answer, but stopped to think again. Finally she answered. "I think it was when Donkey Kong got kidnapped by K. Rool and we had to rescue him."

"No way, that was more than a year ago! Surely we must've done something together since then?" Diddy said, but he couldn't think of anything himself.

"I don't think so... Let me see: first you went on vacation and got yourself kidnapped by K. Rool."

Diddy still felt rather embarrassed about that incident. "We were ambushed! There were hundreds of them and they surrounded us! We were asleep and the Sun shone into my eyes! The bananas we ate had artificial ingredients! I bet there was a conspriracy."

Dixie smiled sceptically. "Sure, sure, but you still got kidnapped and I saved you pretty much single-handedly."

"You're never going to let me live that down, are you?" Diddy sighed, "Besides, you weren't alone, your cousin Kiddie helped too."

"Kiddie's just a toddler."

"A toddler larger and stronger than elephants I've met." Diddy replied.

"But still just a toddler."

"You know, that begs the question: why did you figure it was a good idea to bring a toddler on a dangerous adventure in the first place?"

"I didn't at first, but Funky convinced me."

"He did?"

"Yeah. I arrived at his boat rental place in the Northern Kremisphere to get a boat, as I didn't want to have to swim all over the place, and he said "I have someone here who can help ya on your quest, Dixie-dude!""

Diddy chuckled at her imitation of Funky's voice. "So he presented Kiddie to me, and I asked "What is it?"

He looked at me weirdly and said "It's your li'l cousin Kiddie, dudette."

So I rolled my eyes and said "I _know_ it's my 'little' cousin Kiddie. I meant "What can he do to help me on my quest?""

And he said "Well, dudette, I figure ya can just take him along and he can help ya fight Kremlings an' stuff. He's radically strong."

I could hardly believe he was suggesting I take a toddler on a dangerous adventure and replied, "Funky, I'm an adventuress, not a babysitter."

So he told Kiddie to pick me up and throw me onto the roof of the shop. After I floated down and gave Funky a pretty angry look, he said "Look Dixie-dude, sorry about that, but I had ta give ya a demonstrification. You may have the wit to save your buddies, but ya are not very strong on yer own. But Kiddie's a real strong dude, and it'll be better ta have someone at yer back anyway. Ye'll be the brains and the brawn, and that uncool KAOS-dude will beg ye for mercy before long.""

"And that convinced you to bring him along?" Diddy asked.

"After I'd thrown some objects lying around in the store at Funky and calmed down, yes."

"So let me think, what happened after that little incident..." Diddy smiled as he realised it was his turn to tease Dixie. "Oh yeah, then _you_ got kidnapped by K. Rool."

Dixie rolled her eyes. "Give me a break, we _all_ got kidnapped, except for DK and Cranky. You were just lucky that K. Rool locked you up practically on DK's doorstep, while I was locked up in his plane."

"I still got out earlier than you."

"Yeah, but you were rescued by Donkey Kong, while I got out on my own, didn't I?"

Remembering that particular detail, Diddy said, "You were too late, though. We were already fighting K. Rool in that weird boxing match."

"Okay, so I was too late to help, but I shut up that annoying commenter and nicked his microphone, didn't I?"

Diddy chuckled at the memory. "Yeah, I loved your commentary. Especially when you described K. Rool as a "disgusting green bucket of lard with the intelligence, charisma, and appeal of a spoilt carrot" and started to sing that song about him."

Dixie hummed a few notes of the song. "Anyway, after that Lanky convinced me to join his circus to show people I can float using my hair. And then you guys went on an adventure without me. Again. Even though you would've had to wait only four days until I returned to the island." she pouted.

"Hey, I wanted to wait for you to come back, but DK really wanted to go after those Tikis immediately. You know how he gets when someone steals his banana hoard."

"Yeah, sometimes I think that's the only thing that can get him off his lazy arse."

Diddy giggled. While Donkey Kong was one of his best friends, he had to admit that the ape was rather lazy. "You're beginning to sound like Cranky."

Dixie pretended to be angry, though she didn't manage to hide her smile. "No, I'm not. Cranky is cranky at everyone, while I'm only cranky at those who deserve it. That's mainly you."

Both of them laughed. "You know," Diddy said, "I think you're right: the last time we really did something together was when we rescued DK. I guess that's why I'm looking forward to this vacation so much: just you and me, relaxing, sunning, swimming, fishing, and doing nothing at all, with no one to disturb us and no adventures anywhere near."

"Good afternoon. You are Diddy and Dixie Kong, I presume?" a sly voice spoke behind them. The Kongs turned around startled and saw a thin lizard in a black suit standing there. He was a bit taller than either of the Kongs.

"Wh-who are you, and why did you sneak up on us like that?" Diddy asked startled.

The lizard held up his hands in a gesture of apology. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. My name is Kunning, and it's a good thing I ran into you, as I need your help and you need mine."

"What do you mean?" Diddy asked.

"Did you know that K. Rool is building another blast-o-matic machine to destroy this island?"

"Again?" Diddy said, "You've got to admire his stick-to-it-iveness, but I thought it would be impossible for him to build another one without Snide's help after we destroyed his island-machine."

Diddy noticed a thin white scar on Kunning's right cheek. It was very easy to miss on his scaly skin. "I'm afraid K. Rool has commissioned a brilliant technician who is much more intelligent than that amateur Snide, and he's building an improved blast-o-matic device for K. Rool. It will be finished in a week."

"How do you know all this?" Dixie said with some suspicion in her voice.

"Because I _am_ this brilliant technician." Kunning said with some pride.

"You?"

"Yes, me. K. Rool paid me a high price to build him a blast-o-matic machine. When I learned it was going to be used to destroy an island, I decided K. Rool had to be stopped before my invention killed thousands."

"Why did you wait until the last week for your change of heart?" Dixie asked angrily.

"Because I didn't know what it was going to be used for before."

"What did you _think_ a giant laser was going to be used for?" Dixie asked in a tone that made it clear she was doubting Kunning's sanity.

"Mining." Kunning responded. "With the right settings, that laser can carve a hole through a mountain like it's butter, instead of vaporising it, making mining a lot easier. Or ice-breaking. I guarantee that a ship armed with my blast-o-matic could sail through the Arctic Ocean without a problem. But, no, K. Rool has to use my invention to kill people. I hate the idea of so many dying for no good reason, so I decided K. Rool had to be stopped. With your help, I can prevent the destruction of your island and rid you of K. Rool once and for all in one mighty blow."

Diddy wanted to hear more, though he wasn't sure he liked or trusted the Kremling. "How are you going to do that?"

"With some careful adjustments, I will make the blast-o-matic fire a focused beam backwards, instead of a wide beam forwards, hitting a point right behind the machine. To be precise, about fifty centimetres above K. Rool's throne." he grinned, "Can you imagine the moment? K. Rool thinks he has won and is about to destroy his greatest enemies, and the next moment only a rather nasty mess will be left of him. I don't have the deaths of thousands of innocents on my conscience, you are not blown up, everyone wins. Well, except for K. Rool of course."

"So... What do you need our help for?" Diddy asked, sensing it wouldn't be as easy as the Kremling implied.

"Well, the blast-o-matic wasn't designed to fire backwards, making it do that will require some rather advanced tinkering with it. While I can do it, I'll need a pentagon-head schnorzel and a conductive red isoglitchbouncer that is green to do so. Unfortunately both of those parts are hardly used at all and very difficult to find. I tried to track them down, but the only records of their use that I could find indicated they were used in certain machines in the KremKroc Industries, Inc. factories."

"KremKroc? I have some bad news for you: Donkey Kong and I 'shut down' KremKroc almost two years ago."

"I know, but it doesn't matter. Most machines should still be intact, so the parts I need should still be in there. I managed to sneak away from Crocodile Island and flew here using an invention of mine, the portable helicopter." He showed a long metal stick with a propeller at the end of it, "Unfortunately I never tested it for it's performance on such a long flight, and it broke down just before reaching my destination. I managed to land in the Viney Lake. So now I must get to KremKroc on foot, but unfortunately I'm not much of an adventurer or fighter, and this is where you come in. I will need the help of two experienced adventurers like you to cross the Gorilla Glacier, to protect me from whatever may inhabit the derelict factories of KremKroc, and to make sure that none of my fellow Kremlings that may be lurking on this island see me and report to K. Rool. I couldn't help your island much if I was executed the moment I set foot on Crocodile Island again, after all."

"So _if_ we agreed to this," Diddy wasn't sure he would, but wanted to hear what Kunning had to say, "we would basically be your bodyguards?"

"I wouldn't call it that. I prefer the term 'escorts' myself. The fact is, I need your help. I will never get over the Gorilla Glacier by myself, and if I run into any of my fellow Kremlings I wouldn't be able to defend myself very well. I did some fencing in my youth, but I'm not nearly good enough to defend myself properly. Your island is at stake here, so I implore you to help me."

Diddy wasn't sure that this wasn't some kind of trap. "I... I'm not sure. I don't know if we can trust you."

"You trusted Snide, didn't you?"

"In a way, I suppose."

"And yet, all Snide had a problem with was that K. Rool didn't want to sign his paycheck. I know the man personally, and let me assure you that he would've happily stood by while K. Rool blew up your island as long as he got paid. And yet you were willing to work with him, but not me. Is it because I am a reptile?"

Diddy hadn't expected that. "No, I don't think so." he said rather unsure.

"Ah, but your voice tells me it is. The fact that I'm a reptile does matter to you. I suppose I can't blame you, after all my kin has put you through, but remember that thousands of lifes at stake here. Does it really matter that my skin is scaly and that I hatched from an egg with that in mind?"

Diddy, rather ashamedly, realised Kunning was right, that he had harboured some mistrust against him for being a reptile. "Sorry Kunning, you're right. I guess we-"

Dixie interrupted him. "Kunning, can I speak to Diddy in private for a moment?"

"Of course. It is important to decide something as important as this together. I'll be over there if you need me." he walked away.

"I'm sure we'll find the time for a vacation later." Diddy said to Dixie.

Dixie made sure Kunning was out of earshot before answering. "That's not my problem, Diddy. I think we should be careful with trusting that guy."

"So you don't think we can trust him?" Diddy asked.

"That's not what I said. I think we should think it over carefully instead of just trusting his word. He's a Kremling, after all."

"That doesn't have to mean he's evil. He seems like a nice guy, and he doesn't want K. Rool to destroy DK Isle, so he's on our side."

Dixie sighed. "Look, Diddy, I like you, but you are a bit... naïve."

"_Naïve_? Me?"

"Remember how the last Kremling you trusted thanked you for saving his life? He tried to decapitate us and send our heads to K. Rool!"

"I suppose, but-"

"And before that, when we were on the Gangplank Galleon, you trusted a Kremling to keep his word not to tell the others we were on the ship, but he called for them to attack us the moment we were out of reach."

"You never told me you disagreed with me there."

"That's because I was very nervous and figured you'd know better, being a more experienced adventurer and all."

"All right, so the Kremlings we've met in the past were not very trustworthy, but that doesn't mean all of them are. It's like he said: what does it matter that he has scaly skin and hatched from an egg if our island is in danger?"

"I don't care that he's a reptile, I care that he's worked for K. Rool in the past and may still do so. Besides, listen to the guy's name. 'Kunning' doesn't sound like a name that bodes very well."

"It's not as if he chose that name himself. Blame his mother, or his father, or whoever named him."

"Okay, you're right, that was a bad point, but it doesn't change the fact that this may be a trap."

"Look at it this way: if it isn't a trap, and we don't help him, the island gets blown up. If it is a trap and we help him, what's the worst that could happen? I guess it would be that we ended up dead, but that would happen anyway if the island were blown up."

"Would K. Rool really try to do the exact same thing that went wrong last time? Actually, scratch that. That sounds exactly like the kind of thing that K. Rool does all the time. But I still think we should be careful about trusting Kunning."

"Okay, msybe you have a point that we can't be sure Kunning is trustworthy. But it's a long way to KremKroc. I think we should agree to help him get there, but we keep a close eye on him on the way there, and especially in KremKroc itself to see if he can be trusted."

"That sounds like a good plan. I just wanted to make sure you didn't just blindly trust him."

Diddy felt slightly insulted. "Hey, what do you think I am, stupid?"

"No, but you _are_ rather naïve. You were completely ready to trust him before I stopped you."

"No, I wasn't!" Diddy lied.

"Anyway, let's not talk about this while Kunning can hear us."

Kunning was sitting against a tree trunk. He stood up when the Kongs approached. "Have you decided?"

"Yes," Diddy said, "we decided to help you get to KremKroc."

"Excellent!" Kunning smiled, "Believe me, your grandchildren will thank you for this decision later."

"Let's just focus on saving this generation first." Diddy said.


	2. Vine Valley Venture

Chapter Two: Vine Valley Venture

Birds sang and small animals made noises as the Kongs and the Kremling walked through the thick Vine Valley jungle. Kunning seemed to be glad that he had convinced Diddy and Dixie to help him. The Kongs were not quite sure what to talk about with him along until Diddy realised that Kunning might be able to tell them more about K. Rool.

"Kunning, tell me: why is K. Rool trying to blow up DK Isle again when that went wrong so badly last time? You'd think he'd try something more original."

It took Kunning a moment of thinking to respond. "I'm not quite sure. You see, once I discovered he was trying to destroy this island, my main efforts were directed towards preventing it from happening, and before that I had little direct contact with K. Rool, as most contact would go through my superior, Konstrukt. But from what I heard, K. Rool's mind is not entirely stable. I think you Kongs foiled his plans so often that he has become obsessed with destroying all of you."

"But why a blast-o-matic again?"

"K. Rool thinks it failed last time because pretty much everything that could've gone wrong did go wrong. I also suppose my own obvious intelligence and expertise must have given him the confidence that it could be done. Besides, I don't know if you've noticed this, but despite all his claims to great intelligence, Kaptain K. Rool is not too bright."

"Kaptain?" Dixie asked, "He's back to the pirate thing again?"

"Yes. Apparently he used to call himself King, but some monkey made a joke about how he wasn't a real king."

"That was me." Dixie said, "when the others were fighting K. Rool in that weird boxing match and I was commenting, I said that K. Rool had probably found that stupid crown of his in a pack of cereal one day and then bullied all the other Kremlings into calling him king."

Kunning grinned. "I wouldn't be surprised at all if you were right. Anyway, the other Kremlings have been repeating that joke behind his back until he became so annoyed by the constant sniggering that he decided he wanted to be a Kaptain again. So he ditched the crown and cape and found an old raincoat and pirate hat somewhere, and started speaking in a really bad pirate accent." he sighed. "It makes me wonder why anyone follows him at all. Hey, don't look at me like that, _I_ was paid a lot of money and hardly ever met him. Most of the other Kremlings aren't paid at all, though. I think they just don't know any better than to follow K. Rool's orders. I can only hope a better leader will rise after we kill K. Rool."

–

About an hour later the trio reached the lake's shores. The Sun shone brightly onto the Viney Lake's calm waters, and Diddy wished for a moment that they'd never run into Kunning, so they could enjoy vacation at the lake. Then again, if they'd never met Kunning there wouldn't be a lake to be enjoyed nor a Kong to enjoy it next week.

The lake was so wide that the opposite shores looked small and were barely visible, but it was so long that the shores to the left and right could not be seen at all, and it seemed as if there was nothing but water in those directions. Fortunately there was a bridge across the lake.

Dixie was mesmerised by the lovely lake too, but Kunning seemed rather nervous. "Can't we go around the lake? We would be awfully exposed on that bridge, and if there are any of my fellow Kremlings are around I could get a nasty surprise when I return to Crocodile Island."

Diddy looked over the Viney Lake. "See for yourself. The lake is huge, walking around it would take days."

"We don't have that much time." Kunning said. "And I'm not a very good swimmer either, so we can't just swim over. Unless you brought some disguise for me to wear, I guess we'll just have to take the risk."

"Sorry, we're all out of disguises. Can't you change colours to blend in or something?" Dixie said.

Kunning seemed slightly offended. "I'm a tuatara, not a chameleon."

They walked onto the bridge, Kunning a bit behind the Kongs. The bridge was actually just a series of floating wooden platforms that had been strung together. When walking on the 'bridge' the platforms would bob slightly, which felt rather weird. Dixie walked close to the edge and Diddy realised he still had to get back at her for calling him naïve. He sneaked up behind her and pushed her off the bridge. She let out a startled yelp before falling in the water. Diddy laughed, waiting to see the expression on her face when she resurfaced, but to his surprise she didn't resurface at all. He stepped to the bridge's edge to look for her, and a hand rose from the water, grabbing his ankle and pulling him in. He resurfaced to see Dixie laugh at him sitting on the bridge's edge.

"You're not the only one who can do surprises!" she grinned as she started splashing him with water. Diddy splashed back, but just couldn't keep up with her as he could only use his arms while Dixie used both her arms and legs. Diddy dived underwater and swam under the bridge to the other side. Trying to be as quiet as possible, Diddy climbed onto the bridge. Dixie had stepped away from the waterside and was carefully watching the water with her back turned to him.

He sneaked up to her, grabbed her and picked her up. "Looking for me?" he asked as he threw her into the water. But she held on to his arm, and both of them fell in. They resurfaced laughing.

"That's the first time you've picked me up _that_ literally." Dixie said before giving him a quick kiss. Kunning cleared his throat behind them, reminding Diddy that the lizard was along too. He stood on the bridge looking at them with a neutral facial expression, though for a moment his eyes seemed sad. It must have been a trick of the light, though, as he merely looked nervous the next moment.

"Could you please save this for some later time?" he asked impatiently, "to be precise, some time when any Kremling in a ten kilometre radius can't see me standing here?"

"Oh, relax, Kunning," Dixie said, "just look at the lovely view or something if you're getting nervous."

"That's easy for you to say. You're not the one getting decapitated if K. Rool finds out he's here. And might I remind you that if I lose my head, there is no one to stand between your island and annihilation."

"All right, all right, we were just having some fun." Dixie said annoyed.

"I'm not trying to keep you from having fun," Kunning said apologetically, "I'm just saying that if I'm spotted on this island all our lives are in grave danger."

Diddy sighed. "I suppose you're right, I guess we should just try to cross the lake as quickly as possible. After all, we'll have plenty of time to come back later."

"Yes." Kunning said in a strangely melancholic voice, "Plenty of time together." Noticing the strange looks Diddy and Dixie gave him, his mood seemed to change. "Well, let's go then!"

–

The bridge reached land in the midst of ancient ruins. Strange stone buildings were everywhere, many of their walls had engravings shaped like snakes, crocodiles, and other reptiles. The ruins were so old that moss and other plants often grew between stones. Many of the ruins were just piles of rubble, some were only partially collapsed, and some were actually in somewhat decent condition. Stepping on dry land again after the long bridge felt weird. Dixie felt as if the solid ground under her feet was still bobbing up and down like the floating platforms.

"I should warn you both:" Diddy said, "these ruins are full of traps. Keep your eyes open."

They walked through the ruins, taking care not to set off any traps. The tiled ground was often covered by rubble. Dixie walked normally when Kunning suddenly shouted "Watch out!" and she felt a bony hand on her shoulder pull her back violently. She fell to the ground, her shoulder hurting.

"Hey, what the hell, Kunning?" She shouted furiously.

"You nearly stepped on a trapped tile." He said in an annoyingly calm voice.

"How do you know?"

"Look, it's a bit higher than the other tiles, I'm guessing there's some sort of pressure mechanism hidden under it that would have activated some kind of trap."

Dixie felt rather embarrassed and annoyed. "Hmpf, thanks, I guess." she said.

She wondered if she should consider him more trustworthy now. _Well,_ she thought, _I guess it means he isn't simply leading us into some sort of death trap._

_Then again, how likely was that in the first place? It seems an awfully complicated way to kill someone, the whole "I need your help to get to KremKroc" story, when he could have just ambushed us with a cannon. It seems more likely that, if it's a trap, the trap is something different, and he probably actually needs to get to KremKroc for it._

They managed to avoid all the traps carefully hidden in the ruins and soon left the ancient city and entered the jungle-covered hills.

"The Gorilla Glacier is not far from here," Diddy said, "all we need to do is cross these hills."

"Can't let you do that, Kong." A gruff voice said. Four big orang-utans dropped from the trees into their path.

"Manky Kong has ordered us to take you down." the thin one said.

"Diddy! Long time no see!" the fat one mock-greeted Diddy.

"Manky's enemy is my enemy!" the biggest one grunted.

"Just what I needed to see." Diddy said sarcastically, "The Orang-utan Gang."

"Who are you people?" Dixie asked.

Their leader answered. "We're the Orang-utan Gang! I'm Manky, and these are Lenny, Pierce, and Andy. This is _our_ jungle, and you're not-"

Andy interrupted him. "You're not welcome here!"

"You talk too much." Manky said, "I'm the leader, I get to do the talkin'. I was about to say that to them, and you had to go and interrupt me."

"Will you please just let us pass?" Diddy asked, "This jungle isn't really yours, and it's very important that you let us through, for both our sakes and your own."

"We'll make sure you never reach... Whatever you're trying to reach!" Andy retorted.

"I'm gonna bust you up reeeeeeal good!" Pierce laughed.

"I'll take care of you!" Lenny said.

"You're not so tough." Manky said.

"Do you want to get defeated again?" Diddy said, "Last time you tried this, DK and me beat the four of you. Now there's _three_ of us."

"Don't get _too_ cocky, Diddy." Manky said, "Donkey Kong is not here, and the way I see it it's the four of us against two little monkeys and some scruffy salamander."

"Besides," Lenny boasted, "we've trained since last time. Let's see how you handle our new tricks."

"Too bad Donkey's not here to see you FAIL!" Pierce taunted.

"I'm not afraid of you!" Andy said.

The Orang-utan Gang charged them. Pierce and Andy attacked Dixie, both throwing a punch at her. Since neither of them was very fast Dixie easily ducked under their punches. She gave them a vicious slap with her hair, but they seemed to hardly feel it. She rapidly climbed up a tree, dodging another pair of punches and tried to jump on Pierce's fat head, but she bounced off harmlessly. Andy tried to hit her and nearly ended up punching Pierce in the process. That gave Dixie an idea.

She ran away and waited for the orang-utans to catch up. As she'd expected, Pierce's portly build made him slower than Andy, and a few metres distance built between them. When Andy had nearly reached her, Dixie jumped onto a low tree branch, saltoed over Andy's head, and landed between them. They both tried to punch her at the same time, she rolled out of the way, and they punched each other right in the face and fell to the ground with dumb expressions on their faces.

Now Dixie had the time to see how the others' fight was going. Kunning had drawn a thin sword and was trying to stab Lenny rather clumsily, but the orang-utan kept dodging it. Lenny, meanwhile didn't dare approach closer despite Kunning's clear incompetence with the sword. Diddy was rapidly cartwheeling around Manky, who seemed somewhat faster and smarter than the two beanbrains Dixie had just beaten.

Though Kunning seemed to have more trouble, Dixie went to help Diddy first. He was, after all, her boyfriend. She jumped onto Manky's back, causing him to utter a surprised "What the heck?" and try to get her off of him. While he was focused on the monkey on his back, all Diddy had to do was trip him, and he fell head-first into a tree.

"They're not exactly the smartest guys on the island, are they?" Dixie said amusedly.

"No, not really." Diddy said, "Now let's help Kunning get that last one."

"Annoying lizard, I am the great Lenny!" Lenny said while dodging one of Kunning's clumsy stabs. He looked around quickly, and did a double-take when he saw his three knocked out buddies and the two monkeys approaching him.

"This can't be happening!" he said, and he ran away.

"Those guys play too many video games." Dixie said.


	3. Over the Glacier, Under the Glacier

Chapter Three: Over the Glacier, Under the Glacier

The temperature dropped rapidly from the tropical warmth of the Vine Valley as the Kongs and the Kremling gained altitude. The palm tree jungle soon turned into a deciduous forest that quickly made way for a conifer forest. Before long even the conifers became sparse. The eternal snow covering the glacier was not far up.

"This mountain gets colder very quickly, doesn't it?" Dixie said to Diddy, "I remember temperature dropping much more gradually on the Crocodile Island mountain."

"Yeah, it does." Diddy said, "I don't know why, though. It was a big surprise to me too when I first climbed the mountain to pass the quick transition from the warm Vine Valley to the icy Gorilla Glacier."

"It's because of the glacier." Kunning chimed in grouchily, "Mt. Krokodillikus doesn't have a glacier on the top, just eternal snow, while this mountain has the Gorilla Glacier. There's a lot of ice up there that absorbs all the heat that's near it. Which reminds me: I'll need to warn you about what will happen to me up there."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I'm cold-blooded, so my body temperature will drop rapidly when we reach the glacier. I've cooled down very far only twice before, and let me tell you: it's not a nice experience. You become slow, very slow. Your movements, your reflexes, even your thoughts slow down. You become clumsy and speaking properly is difficult. I may even start hallucinating or get amnesia. I will not be able to think straight, and if my body temperature drops below zero, my blood may start freezing, which would obviously kill me."

"Wow. That sounds... pretty bad."

Kunning nodded. "Believe me, it is. When we reach the glacier I'll have to trust my life to your hands, because I can't trust my own if I cool down too far. If I get some idea up there, for example if I decide to turn back, or dig holes in the snow or whatever, and you think it's a bad idea, please stop me from doing it, as my freezing thought processes could prove harmful to myself. And please accept my apologies in advance if my thoughts become so muddled that I attack you."

"That might happen?"

"I'll try not to, but I can't promise anything about my behaviour if I get too cold. Please don't hurt me too much when you defend yourself. Just make sure I reach KremKroc, even if I change my mind and want to go somewhere else. Knock me out if necessary, though I'd rather you didn't as I'll lose even more heat if I'm not moving by myself."

"Well, we'll worry about all of that tomorrow. The Sun will set soon, and I don't think we'll want to cross the glacier at night."

"We can't wait until tomorrow, we don't have the time. If I can't repair my personal helicopter in KremKroc, we'll still have to go down the mountain and I'll have to find a boat to cross the sea and get back to Crocodile Isle. Both getting down and crossing the ocean would take a few days, and that's cutting it rather close as the blast-o-matic could be ready in just five or six. We have to cross the glacier right now. Just promise me you'll get me to KremKroc, whether I want to or not, and that you won't let me kill myself in some way."

"Okay, I promise. If we can just reach the village on the other side of the glacier we should be fine."

"No, don't bring me into any villages. K. Rool has several spies on this island, some of them may be Kongs."

"But that village is right on the way to KremKroc and the Kongs there are very hospitable."

"I don't care, only one of them has to be a spy and all this will be for nothing. Just make a fire if I really need to warm up."

"Just how are we supposed to make a fire on an icy glacier?"

Kunning took a small metal cylinder from his pocket. "Push that button to make a small flame, use it to start a bigger fire. I should probably give you my sword too, so I can't use it against you if the cold starts playing tricks on me." he gave the cylinder and the sword to Diddy.

Diddy had been expecting the cold to be a problem when they were crossing the glacier but hadn't realised the problems would be much greater to Kunning. He wondered if the technician was simply preparing them for a worst-case scenario or if all those things were likely to actually happen.

When they reached the snow they started walking behind one another, Diddy first, then Kunning and then Dixie. Walking like this meant Diddy would clear the snow while walking so it would be easier for Dixie and Kunning. It also allowed Dixie to keep an eye on Kunning.

Whiteness surrounded the three and the snow under their feet covered the glacier's ice. Below them was only the snow and ice of the glacier. Above and around them, icy white fog surrounded them, completely obscuring the view. It was frigidly cold, and Diddy soon tired of walking through the snow. The light was slowly faded as the Sun set behind the fog. Snowflakes fell down from the darkening sky.

After about an hour Diddy was exhausted from clearing the path by walking in front and decided to switch places with Dixie. He stopped and waited for his companions to catch up. Kunning was the first to reach him. His skin was a much darker grey than normal and his eyes were half-closed.

"How are you holding up?" Diddy asked the lizard.

It was a few seconds before Kunning mumbled a response. "...Fine... just very... kold... need Sun."

Dixie caught up with them. Small snowflakes hung in her hair and formed a small layer on top of her baret. "What's wrong?"

"I'm getting very tired from walking in front. Do you want to switch?"

"Sure, though I don't know the way. Just shout if we need to go some other direction than straight ahead."

Diddy waited for Dixie and Kunning to pass, and then followed them. Walking was a lot easier with the path already cleared by Dixie. Despite the darkness and distance, her pink clothes and blonde hair were quite easily visible. Between them Kunning walked, the changes the cold had brought over him enormous. Normally he walked with a proud strut befitting his arrogance, but now he stumbled along rather clumsily. He seemed rather confused, occasionally stopping to look at something only he could see or just to stand in place and look around. His tail was wrapped around his body, probably to conserve some heat.

Without the heavy exertion of clearing the path to warm him up Diddy was starting to feel just how cold it was. The cold wind bit his face and his fingers and toes were starting to feel numb.

After some time, Kunning's dark silhouette suddenly started walking to the right even though Dixie was still going straight ahead. "Kunning!" Diddy called after him, "What are you doing? Come back!"

The lizard didn't respond, but walked on, bearing more than a little resemblance to a sleepwalker. Diddy ran after him, easily catching up to the slow-moving reptile, and tugged on his hand. Though Diddy could have expected it, the fact that Kunning was as cold as a corpse startled him. Kunning didn't react to Diddy's tugging on his hand and telling him to follow Dixie for a few seconds, and tried to walk on apathetically, before he reacted, looked at Diddy and said something unintelligible.

"Come on, Kunning, follow Dixie. We have to get to KremKroc."

"...No." Kunning mumbled, trying to struggle free with surprisingly weak force, "Have... tommbbmmet... chaos bbmmbmb..."

Diddy started to pull Kunning back. He slashed his other hand at Diddy's arm and left four cuts with his claws. Diddy yelped and let go of Kunning's hand.

"Ouch! Dixie, come help me, Kunning's gone weird from the cold!" Dixie joined him while Kunning slowly stumbled away. "We'll each get one of his arms and just force him to come along with us. He's very weak from the cold, but his claws are pretty sharp, so watch out."

They did so and began to drag him along. Though he struggled against them he was weakened so much that the monkeys could easily drag him along.

"It's like moving a plastic toy, innit?" Dixie said.

"No... mmnmmmbmnmbmlbnmbn... Lemme go... mnmnmnmnmnm... Order... mblmmbmmnm... Karina... mbl... Krokodiles... No." Kunning mumbled, still trying in vain to struggle free.

"What's Karina?" Dixie wondered.

"A constellation, as far as I know." Diddy shrugged.

Kunning stopped struggling and turned to Diddy, looking a lot more lucid now. "...Let me go... back... mmmbbm Sun... too kold here... please..."

"Sorry Kunning," Diddy said firmly, "you made us promise we would get you to KremKroc and your brain was working a lot better at that temperature than it is now."

Kunning said nothing for a full ten seconds. "...I take it back... Let me go... mammal... Want Sun..."

"We can't let you go back, but we'll get you to warmth as soon as possible. Just think of something that keeps you hot until then, whether it's the desert or pretty lizard ladies." Dixie said.

Kunning mumbled something and started struggling again. "Okay, fine, we'll go back. Dix, let's turn around." Diddy said, winking at Dixie.

They turned a full circle, forcing Kunning to go along as they were still holding his arms. "All right, we turned around. Let's get back to the warm Vine Valley." Kunning seemed not to have noticed and didn't fight against them any more. They kept holding on to his arms, though, so he wouldn't start running off again and to support him, as he was now having a lot of trouble walking. Kunning leaned on the Kongs for support more and more as they walked on, and his occasional mumblings became muted and less intelligible. After a while, it seemed he wasn't doing anything himself any more and just leaning on the Kongs. His eyes had closed and the Kongs weren't sure he was still breathing. Worried, Diddy felt at his ice-cold throat for a pulse. It was very slow and weak, beating ten times a minute at best.

Then they came across a most peculiar thing: a primate skeleton lying next to an unlit campfire.

"Yikes." Dixie said, "I guess he couldn't light the fire with this wind and cold. I hope that thingie our lizardy friend gave you works, or we'll end up just like him."

Moving the skeleton away and burying it under some snow, Diddy pointed the fire thingie at the wood and pushed the button. A small flame erupted and briefly caught on the wood before it was blown out by the wind. He tried again, with a smaller piece of wood this time, and the flame caught. It flickered, but the flame spread to other pieces of wood and soon the campfire was burning properly. The Kongs laid Kunning down close to the fire to heat up and sat down on the other side of the fire themselves. As the heat of the fire warmed him up, Diddy looked at Dixie, saw the fire's reflection in her eyes, and had the sudden urge to kiss her. So he did. Though surprised at first, Dixie happily joined in the kiss. The kiss warmed them much more than the fire ever could have. Diddy looked at the fire again, chewing his bubble gum. _Bubble gum?_ he thought, _I can't remember chewing bubble gum._

He took the bubble gum out and saw it was pink. "Dix, is this yours?" he asked.

"Thanks, I was wondering where it'd gone off to." she said, putting the gum in her mouth.

"That's bloody disgusting. Take it out before you kiss me next time."

"Hey, you didn't exactly give me much advance warning. I'm all for surprise make-out sessions, but don't start complaining about my bubble gum afterwards."

They basked in the fire's heat, though the wood was slowly burning up and the flames were getting lower.

"I'm sorry for my earlier behaviour." Kunning said from the other side of the fire. "I will try to keep more control."

"It's okay." Diddy said, "I don't suppose it was pleasant for you either."

"Far from it." Kunning said, "Whoever said a mind is a terrible thing to lose was right. You would never believe all the bizarre and frightening things I saw and thought. It's possible I said weird or insulting things. Please don't hold it against me, whatever I may have said I wouldn't have in my right mind."

"Sure, we'll forget the things you said. We didn't understand most of it anyway, as you talked very unclearly."

"Thanks. Incidentally, when you pretended to give in to my whining about going back, I take it you actually turned a full 360 degrees?"

"Of course."

"Well, that's not a pleasant thought, to have been fooled by a trick like that. I suppose it's a good thing I have the excuse of my brains freezing."

They warmed up by the fire's heat until the wood had nearly burned up and the flames were becoming very weak and small. Then Kunning stood up. "I think we'd best get going while I'm somewhat warm. Remember: get me to KremKroc even if I don't want to."

They set out again through the ice-cold snow, Diddy walking in front again. He tried to remember how DK and he had found the caves that eventually led to KremKroc, and that wasn't easy on the glacier where there were no real points of reference.

Somehow he found the caverns' entrance. "These caves lead straight to KremKroc. One path goes via the village, so we'll just have to take another."

Kunning slowly responded. "...Yes, that's fine... I guess we'll need light... Here..."

Kunning took a little machine from his pocket, removed some components, yanked out two wires and cut them with his claw. An electric current arced between the two cut wires, producing a shimmering blue light. Kunning handed the makeshift light to Dixie. "...Hold that... Don't touch the spark..."

While the current didn't shed much light, it was enough to see by once their eyes had adjusted to the dark. Stalactites and bats hung from the cave's high roof. The bats didn't seem to care much that the Kongs and Kunning walked through their home. Some of them drowsily opened their eyes to look at them, but none flew. They came across some vertical ropes crossing their path. The ropes entered and exited the cave through tiny holes in the floor and ceiling.

"Strange," Diddy said, "these ropes moved up and down last time I was here."

"...They're part of KremKroc's machinery..." Kunning explained, "when the factories were abandoned almost two years ago, perifroll... parifra... peripheral machinery like the ones that move the ropes must have stopped too..."

After about a minute, Dixie suddenly asked: "Wait a minute, Kunning, how do you know that?"

"...When I was trying to find the pentagon-headed schnorzel and the conductive red isoglamma... isoglulbb... thing that is green, I met the former executive of KremKroc... a guy called Eisenring... He seemed to miss being in charge of KremKroc and told me a lot about it when I inquired... It's thanks to him that I could track the parts down to KremKroc..."

Several weird crocodile statues stood in this part of the cave. "I don't remember these. Though they do seem familiar somehow..." Diddy said.

After several seconds of thinking, Kunning shrugged. They walked past the eerie statues quickly. It turned out there were more of them in the rest of the cave.

"Now I remember them!" Diddy said, "these are rockkrocs! But they live in the Monkey Mines, what are they doing here?" neither of his companions knew the answer. "Well, let's hope they don't wake up and continue as fast as possible."

The Kongs started running past the rockkrocs, slowing down to allow Kunning, who was running rather woodily, to catch up with them. As they moved by the rockkrocs, their eyes started to light up one by one in an eerie red and they were slowly starting to move.

"C'mon Kunning!" Dixie hurried him up, "run faster, those things are coming back to life!"

"...I'd like to see _you_ run as fast as me when you have twenty degrees hypothermia!" Kunning hissed as the rockkrocs took their first steps. Though they were moving very slowly step by step, they were already accelerating and would soon become very fast. Though the Kongs wanted to sprint away, they could hardly leave Kunning to the rockkrocs' mercy.

They were moving faster and faster now and starting to catch up. Diddy saw a big stalagmite ahead and had an idea. "Kunning! Can you climb?" he shouted back.

"...Yes, I can! I see what you're planning!" the lizard shouted back. They ran for the stalagmite, climbing into it (with just one hand in Dixie's case) just as the rockcrocs caught up and scratched their stone claws over the stalagmite. The trio held on to the stalagmite's top, hanging above the rockkrocs' reach. They massed around the stalagmite, but couldn't climb, apparently.

"I wonder why they're here and not in the Monkey Mines." Dixie said.

Diddy would have shrugged if the circumstances didn't make that impossible. "Who knows? I guess they just liked these caves better."

They clung to the rock while the rockkrocs below gave up one by one, walked away, and turned into statues. The monkeys and the lizard waited until all their eyes had completely stopped lighting, then climbed down the stalagmite. They ran on, hoping to be as far away as possible when the rockkrocs started moving once more.

Leaving the rockkrocs behind, they reached a split in the caves. Since the left path would take them to the village, they took the right path. Once they were sure the rockkrocs weren't following them any more, they took a short break to get their breaths back and walked on through the dark tunnels. A soft snoring that made them all nervous echoed through the caves, getting louder slowly. When Diddy, who was walking in front, reached a side-tunnel, he saw what was producing the snoring: a gigantic, sleeping bear. It filled the entire side tunnel, so huge was it. He motioned to the two others for silence and tiptoed back, explaining the situation.

"I guess we'll just have to sneak past the bear." Dixie whispered, "Kunning, can you extinguish this light somehow?"

"...Sure..." Dixie handed the makeshift light to Kunning, who started messing with the wires. A blue flash lighted the entire cave up when he accidentally touched the spark. For a split second, the Kongs could actually see Kunning's skeleton through his flesh, then he was thrown back against the wall, screeching in pain. He managed to stand up, cursing and twitching. "Damn this kold!" he hissed, "I kan't even remove the power source from that thing without elektrokuting myself!"

The bear, startled by the flash of light and the noise, opened his eyes and saw the three trespassers in his cave. He roared a mighty "OOARRRRRRR!" that made the cave tremble and stood up.

As it turned out, Kunning touching the electric spark was not entirely _bad_ luck, as it seemed to have given him enough warmth to run properly. This time the Kongs hardly had to slow down for him, which was good as the angry bear was pursuing them with surprising speed.

Through the pitch-black darkness they ran, the grunting of the furious bear not far behind them. Soon, however, a light in the distance lighted the tunnel up. Their hearts jumped with joy as they saw a small exit to the tunnel, up above a four metre high ledge which seemed easily climbable. Diddy risked a quick look back and saw the bear was very close, two seconds behind them at most. They reached the ledge and started climbing for their lives. To Diddy's surprise, Kunning was actually the fastest climber of them all, slithering up the ledge in a snake-like manner and reaching the top first.

"Look, it's KremKroc!" he called back with glee. "We've made it!"

The Kongs had just reached the top of the ledge when a mighty tremor went through it as the bear pounded the rock. They lost their balance and fell straight down to the angry bear. They managed to grab a hold of a rock halfway down, out of reach of the bear right now, but it was already standing up on two legs to mow them down with it's claws.

A thud sounded as Kunning jumped onto the ground next to the bear. "Hey! Come and get me, I'm easy prey!" he shouted. The bear seemed to agree that the lizard standing right next to him was easier to get, as he dropped back on all fours and slashed his claw at Kunning, who managed to jump back just in time. He started climbing the ledge again but the bear grabbed him by the tail as he fled up. With a slight cracking noise the tail tore off, yet Kunning climb up the ledge unfazed while the bear was busy with his still wriggling tail. He met the Kongs, who had used his distraction to climb up, on the ledge's top and they ran outside, away from the cave.

When the cave was out of sight and the bear hadn't pursued them yet, they stopped running. Kunning looked at the stump that was left of his tail rather disappointedly. Only a bit of blood dripped from it, rather than the fountains you'd expect. "A-are you alright, Kunning?" Diddy asked startled.

"Yes, I'm fine. It'll regrow in a couple of weeks. Still a shame to lose such a nice tail, though." seeing the Kongs' dumbfound reactions, he continued. "Don't worry about it, it's a defence mechanism. When we are grabbed by our tails, we can sever them as a reflex. It's saved my hide once before."

Though Diddy still wasn't put at ease (he shuddered to think about losing _his_ tail like that), he realised something even more alarming: "Kunning, you risked your life to save ours."

"You don't _have_ to say that in such a surprised voice, you know." Kunning said, seeming slightly insulted.

The Kongs exchanged a glance. "I'm sorry, I guess we just- I guess didn't, um..."

Dixie finished his sentence. "We didn't think we could trust you. I'm sorry."

"Yeah. Sorry for that." Diddy apologised.

Kunning sighed. "Well, I accept you apologies. Now let's not waste any more time on this and my late tail, we've nearly reached KremKroc."

–

AUTHOR'S NOTES: On my deviantart account I've drawn a scene from this chapter. My nickname over there is "apenpaap", so search for that name if you want to see it (either out of curiosity, because you want to see what Kunning looks like, or simply because you want to marvel at my (not so) fine arts). If I draw anything else related to this story I'll upload it there as well. (sorry, I can't link you as fanfiction's spamfilter autoblocks URLs)


	4. Spying Snide

Chapter Four: Spying Snide

"Raise by two pieces o'eight."

"Yer bluffing, Krook. I'll match yer two pieces o'eight, and raise ye three pieces o'nine."

"Kall."

"Hehe, even if ye aren't bluffin', I'll win this hand. Kall."

"I wouldn't be so sure! Look, Full House, Kings and jacks. I'd like to see ye beat that!"

"No problem, Krook. Four Jacks. Looks like I'll be winnin' this round!"

"Not so fast, Klikspaan. Four Aces!"

"That's good, but this be better: Five Aces! Kan't beat that! Harharhar, monee!"

"Hmpf, I guess you win. Let's play a different game, I don't like this one."

"I told ye putting those decks together was a bad idea."

"Hey, each of 'em missed kards. At least now they komplement each other."

"Yer just mad 'kause I won!"

"K'mon, let's play Beggar my- Hey, did ye hear that?"

"What? What?"

"Kwiet!"

"SSSHHHH! SSSSHHHH!"

"I said "Kwiet!", not "Please shower me with yer spit!""

"Guys, if ye just shut up for a moment, take a look at kamera 25!"

"Hey... That be looking like some stinkin' Kongs to me."

"Where? Where? I don't see 'em!"

"Kamera 25, not 2.5, you dolt!"

"Oh yeah... I guess those are Kongs."

"But who's that lizard with them?"

"Guys, I think that's Kunning."

"Nah, Kunning has a longer tail than that. Ouch!"

"Don't make me slap you again, Kanaak. Use those two brain cells of yours."

"Pretty sure that's Kunning... Never ekspekted to see him alive again..."

"Hehe, yeah. Usually when the Kap'n fires ye, it involves aktual fire."

"He's gotten skinnier though, hasn't he? Maybe the Kap'n starved him?"

"Never mind that, isn't it pretty suspicious to find him sneaking around here with two Kongs? I wonder what he's up to."

"Maybe we should report it to the old fatso? If he's up to no good, the Kap'n will be really glad that we told him."

"Shut up, Klikspaan, you'll get us all killed like that. If Kunning's here on the Kap'n's orders, we'd be wasting the Kap'n's time telling him."

"He hates people who waste his time..."

"Yeah, shut up. First, let's find out what he's doing here before we go telling the Kap'n."

–

As they entered the gloomy abandoned factory a shiver went over Diddy's spine. The gigantic factory hall was filled with machines, but not a single one moved. Burned out oil drums, car tires and various pieces of metal lay around haphazardly. A thick layer of almost two years' dust covered everything and an unnatural silence hung. In the darkness the walls and ceiling of the gigantic factory were invisible. Diddy looked at Dixie and saw the cavernous factory was creeping her out too. They both jumped when a laugh sounded behind them, but it turned out to be Kunning. He seemed unfazed by the vast, creepy factory. In fact, he was laughing gleefully with a big jolly grin on his face.

"We made it!" his voice echoed, "We're in KremKroc! And it's looking very good, I was expecting thrashed ruins."

"_He_'s as glad as a man who thought the cat had done its business on his birthday cake, but it turned out to be an extra-large cherry, isn't he?" Dixie mumbled to Diddy.

"Sure, it's looking great," Diddy said to Kunning, "now let's find those parts you need and get out of here."

"Just look at all these machines!" Kunning laughed, "It's a technician's dream in here, and it all looks very salvageable!"

"Kunning," Dixie said impatiently, "where do we find the parts?"

"Of course, the part. They should be somewhere in some special machines on the other side of the factory. We should- Hey, look at that!" he ran over to a big machine next to a conveyor belt, doing a little skip of joy halfway, "If I'm not mistaken, I could use this machinachroniton to make a new Laplaceconnectiontube to replace the ruined one in my portable helicopter. That would mean I could just fly back to Crocodile Island instead of having to go by boat."

"That's great," Diddy said, "that'd mean you'd be back days earlier to sabotage the blast-o-matic, wouldn't it?"

"Yes, it would." Kunning rubbed his hands together, "Let's see, we'll need to remove some dust so the machine doesn't choke on it, steel to make the part from, and obviously we'll need power to get the machine running. I'll try to see if I can get a generator back up, you dust off the machine's moving parts and find some steel to feed it. Anything small enough to fit through that hatch there is good."

Kunning walked off to start tinkering with some big generators against the wall. Since Dixie didn't want to get dust in her hair, she searched for steel while Diddy dusted off the machine.

One rather dusty hour later most of the machine's moving parts were relatively dust-free and Dixie had found some miscellaneous metal objects. In the past our, the lights on the machine had occasionally flickered shortly, but it never lasted long. Finally the lights turned on and actually stayed on.

"I think I restored the power to this machine. There wasn't enough electricity left for the whole factory, but by cutting some wires and changing some switches I managed to make the generators work for just this machinachroniton. Since it looks like you removed enough dust for it to work, I'll just need to take a look at that metal to make sure it's actually steel."

He put on a weird monocle with many extra lenses on it over his left eye and picked up a twisted piece of metal. He looked at it, looked through the monocle, breathed on it, knocked on it, and listened to the sound. "Aluminium, that's no good..." After testing another one, "Tungsten, we'd need to power up the solar furnace to melt that... Iron, close, but not what we need... Neodymium, hey that's a good find! Not what we need, but useful nonetheless... Platinum, wow, have you considered becoming a treasure hunter? Now let's see this one... Yes, that's a chunk of steel!"

They threw the heavy chunk of steel into the hatch on the machine. Kunning closed the hatch and pressed some buttons on the machine. Then the machine came to life with a huge noise and big clouds of smoke. The smoke made the Kongs cough, but Kunning just took a deep breath of it, smiled, and said: "That is the sweet smell of industry, my friends."

He pushed some more buttons, and the machine's conveyor belt started moving. A blob of glowing red steel was transported by the conveyor belt, got crushed in various directions by several crushers, and entered the machine again. Strange sounds came from the machine and a few minutes later a hatch opened and a strangely shaped rod of metal and plastic came out.

Kunning opened the long metal object that he called a portable helicopter, removed a twisted piece of metal from it, and put the new part in. It fit perfectly, so he closed the helicopter and pushed a button. The blades at the end of the metal rod started spinning rapidly, causing a miniature storm of dust that made the Kongs cough.

"Excellent, it seems to work. Now, I'll turn the electricity off and we can go look for the parts."

–

While KremKroc was mostly silent apart from their own sounds, occasionally little sounds that made the Kongs nervous sounded. Sometimes it was just a drop of water, but sometimes it sounded like footsteps. As they walked around the corner of a large machine that blocked their view, they suddenly came across a weasel in a blue business suit.

"Snide!" Diddy said, recognising the weasel, "You startled us! What are you..."

Diddy's voice trailed off as he saw the icy looks of pure hate the two technicians gave each other.

"Snide." Kunning hissed.

"Kunning." Snide grumbled. It suddenly felt fifty degrees colder, and for a moment Diddy longed back to the warmth of the Gorilla Glacier.

Kunning broke the icy silence. "What are you and your various parasites doing here? Stealing the ideas of much greater minds than you again, hmm?"

"That's none of your business, scaleface." Snide sneered, "But why are _you_ stinking up the place?"

"I'm asking the questions here, Snide." Kunning drew the weasel's name out in such a way that it sounded more like an insult than a name, "But you don't need to answer it. As you know I can see right through simpletons like you. You're here to steal the designs of the machinery here."

"Wrong as usual. I see you've brought two future victims of your backstabbery here?"

"Backstabbery, ha, _you_ should talk. I take it you're still a chronic liar."

"Hmpf, and_ I _take it you still think black suits you."

"And what about you? Did you eat blue for breakfast or something?"

How's the scar?"

Kunning ran his hand over the thin white scar on his right cheek. "Very good. I suppose I should thank you for it, I'm told it looks quite handsome on me."

"Yes, you definitely have a face that looks better when it's been damaged. I notice you didn't bring your tail along. I take it you got yourself into more trouble than you could handle again and autotomy was the only way to save your filthy hide?"

"I didn't get myself into trouble, I took a risk and foresaw that losing my tail might be necessary. I doubt that the idea of taking a risk has any meaning to a coward like you, though."

"Hmpf. Well, I'm afraid I subscribe to the theory of intellectual osmosis, so I must now leave before my intelligence begins to drop. Goodbye."

Kunning drew his sword in a rapid motion and held it's tip to Snide's throat, a cold grin on his face. "Not so fast."

"Kunning!" Diddy said shocked, "What do you think you're doing?"

Snide didn't seem impressed by the blade at his throat. "What, your tiny reptilian brain can't keep up with me, so instead you resort to threatening me with sharp pieces of metal?"

"It's rather suspicious that you just happen to turn up here right now. You've worked for K. Rool before, and shown consistently that you're a spine- and honourless weasel." He turned to the shocked Kongs. "He's probably here to spy on us for K. Rool, so we can't just let him walk off."

While Kunning made some sense, Diddy could hardly believe Snide would work for K. Rool again. "Maybe he's here for some other reason. Snide, why are you in KremKroc?"

"That's none of your business."

"Then I'm sorry but-"

Snide interrupted him. "I see no need to talk to you, Kong. You disappoint me: getting tricked by this idiot? And then believing his lies about me."

Kunning pushed his sword's tip a bit closer to Snide's throat. "We can't let you go sneak back to your boss."

"I suppose you're right." Dixie said, "We'll need to keep him as a prisoner so he doesn't alert K. Rool."

"There's no need for that." Kunning said, "Dead men tell no tales."

Diddy was shocked. "You can't just kill him, Kunning! He once saved our island! What if he's innocent? And even if he isn't, he's defenceless, you can't just execute him."

"Watch me." Kunning said with the same icy grin, "He only saved your island because K. Rool didn't give him his blood money. And let me assure you: even _if_ he isn't a spy for K. Rool, he isn't remotely near any definition of the word innocent. I've been waiting a long time for this, and the way I see it I'll be killing two birds with one stone by slitting his throat right now."

"No way. You're not executing him, this entire island owes him, whatever his motivation was. We'll tie him up with that steel wire over there and leave him here. Then, when we've found the parts and you return to Crocodile Island Dixie and I will take him back to the Kongo Jungle as a captive."

For a moment it seemed as if Kunning was going to slit Snide's throat, but then he sighed. "Fine. May I suggest we tie the rope around his neck?"

"Oh very clever, scaleface. Ate any good books lately?" Snide sneered.

Kunning started tying Snide up, but after he repeatedly "accidentally" scratched Snide, Diddy took over from him. He felt rather guilty about treating Snide like that, though. "I'm sorry Snide, but we can't-"

Snide interrupted him. "I'm not interested in talking to you, Kong. You've made clear where your loyalties lie. I _will_ enjoy saying "I told you so" when your cooperation with Kunning reaches its inevitable and unpleasant end, though."

Diddy sighed. "Will you just tell me what happened between you two to cause you to hate each other so much, then?"

"No. I have no interest in speaking to you."

Diddy tied the knots extra tight in annoyance. They left Snide behind to go look for the parts. Diddy decided to see if Kunning was feeling more talkative than Snide.

"So, are you going to tell us what that was all about?" he asked the lizard.

"Nothing special. I just don't particularly like lying, backstabbing, lazy, chaotic, arrogant, ignorant vermin."

"How do you know he is all that? I take it you've met before."

"We met once or twice before. I don't really like to talk about it, but suffice it to say that he's hated me since before you were born."

Dixie gave a disbelieving chuckle. "And I suppose _you _don't hate him?"

Kunning snorted arrogantly. "My hating him would imply some form of recognition of him, implying that he is in any way my equal. I feel nothing but contempt for him, like I would feel for a particularly annoying insect bugging me. And that's all I have to say about the matter, please let it rest now and help me look for a big blue machine."

–

They walked through the cavernous factory some more until Kunning finally identified the machine he was looking for. The Kongs helped him dismantle the machine and take the pentagon-headed schnorzel from it. Then their search for the other machine started. They found it close to one of the factory's exits, dismantled it, and took the conductive red isoglitchbouncer that is green from it. As Kunning surgically removed the part from the machine, the realisation that they were finished dawned on Dixie.

"Guys, we're done aren't we?"

Kunning smiled, examining the small isoglitchbouncer. "Yes, we are. Let's go outside, so I can test if my portable helicopter can handle the extra weight of the parts."

They left the factory. Kunning threw one last wistful look back, but the Kongs were glad to be out in the open, dustless air again, even if it was rather cold. Kunning held the long metal rod that was his personal helicopter straight up and pushed a button. Clamps shot out of the rod and wrapped around his arm for safety. The propeller at the end of the rod started rotating rapidly, producing a hurricane of wind. Nothing else happened for a moment and then Kunning was slowly lifted into the air. He manoeuvred around for a bit by tilting the helicopter and pressing some buttons, and then landed softly. Dixie couldn't help thinking that it was a good thing he had no hair, as the helicopter's winds would really mess up his haircut if he did.

"Well, my friends, I guess this is it. I'm very grateful for your help, as I would've surely frozen to death on the Gorilla Glacier without you. Thank you, I am in your debt." Kunning said with a slight bow of the head.

"Saving our island will be enough of a repayment." Diddy said.

"Are you sure you won't need any more help?" Dixie asked.

"Quite sure. Just make sure that filthy weasel doesn't report to K. Rool for the next few days, and watch the sea Thursday. K. Rool's new ship is quite a spectacular sight. Goodbye, I hope we meet again!"

He took off, waving at the Kongs, and flew away into the darkening evening sky. The Kongs watched him until he was a mere dot.

"It feels sort of weird, doesn't it?" Diddy asked.

"What does?"

"You know, the idea that the adventure is already over and that Kunning is going to solve the problem for us now."

Dixie realised what he meant, and though she agreed she decided to tease him with it. "You mean without you getting to play the hero."

Diddy blushed. "That's not what I meant."

"Yes it is. You think it should be your jobk to fight the bad guys, infiltrate their lair, trick K. Rool himself, maybe rescue a fair maiden along the way?" she said with a wink.

"Alright, maybe I do for a bit. But you feel it too, don't you?"

"A bit. I guess that's just not how it goes this time. Anyway, I think we should go untie Snide from that machine we tied him to and get back home."

"And then back to our vacation!"

–

The Kongs and their highly grumpy prisoner walked through KremKroc, back to their original entrance. Snide refused to talk to either of them, even though they had untied his hands and feet. The three of them walked between the narrow passage between two machines and came to a three way split where two big Kremlings jumped out at them by surprise. One was holding a club and the other one a sword.

"Hey there, Kongs." the sword-wielding one said, "we are Krook and Kanaak!"

"We saw you hangin' out with old Kunning and had some kwestions." Kanaak said.

"Like: what was he doing here, and why was he here with you, and most importantly: was he here on the Kap'n's orders or did he betray him?"

Dixie decided lying would be the best course of action. "Kunning? Hmpf, that rotten fiend! He forced us to come along with him on a secret mission K. Rool gave him. He's an evil monster, we were lucky to escape with our lives!"

"See Krook," Kanaak said, "I told you he was here on the Kap'n's orders. We'd better think of some way to tell Klikspaan not to bother the Kap'n with it before we're too late."

"Shut up, dimwit. You two were akting way too friendlily for being forced along. We saw you waving after him as he flew away with that goofy invention of his."

"Uhh... We were not waving after him, we shook our fists at him in anger!"

"Sure you did. Now, tell me what was his real purpose here was."

Dixie realised this was getting nowhere, and that they'd need to stop the Kremlings from reporting to K. Rool at any cost. She exchanged a quick look with Diddy and then slapped Kanaak with her hair. He howled in pain and tried to smash her with his club while Diddy took on Krook as Snide simply watched. Dixie saltoed over Kanaak's club, making him smash it into a delicate part of the machine next to them and get showered by metal shrapnel. He lifted his heavy club again to strike Dixie, but the machine he had hit collapsed, a part broke off, hit him on the head, and knocked him out. Dixie turned to help Diddy, but saw he had already knocked Krook out.

"I guess we have three captives now." Dixie said, already worrying about the logistics of keeping all three from reporting to K. Rool.

Diddy looked very worried. "Dix, did you hear what they said? One of them is already reporting to K. Rool!"

Remembering what they'd said, Dixie wondered why she hadn't realised that herself. "Dammit, that's not good."

Diddy nodded. "If K. Rool knows Kunning was here, he'll be executed when he gets back to Crocodile Isle."

"Oh no." Snide said in an incredibly overdramatic voice, "What a crying shame. Now that you've found the real people spying on you and your scaly friend, can I go? I've got more important things to do than play prison with you."

The Kongs both blushed in shame. "Oh yeah, I guess you can go." Diddy said, "sorry for capturing you, but we had to make sure. What were you doing here anyway?"

"That's none of your business." Snide said as he walked away.

"This is bad." Dixie said, "with execution awaiting Kunning on Crocodile Isle, K. Rool will be here with a working blast-o-matic in four days!"

"Then I guess _we_'ll have to stop him. We have to get to Crocodile Isle as fast as we can!"


	5. Kumulonimbus

Chapter Five: Kumulonimbus

Kunning walked through the construction headquarters, a jolly spring in his step. Everything had gone far better than expected, and now he'd have a few days to prepare. Flying through the cold evening air for so long had cooled him down a bit, though, so right now the first thing he was planning to do was return to his quarters to bask under the big warm lamp there. He turned a corner, and ran into the last person he wanted to see right now. Kaptain K. Rool was waiting for him, an insane grin on his face and five big crocodile guards around him.

"Welkome back, Kunning." K. Rool said, "I hear you went on a little trip to KremKroc. Where you getting a bit nostalgic?"

_Uh oh. _Kunning thought, panicking for a moment. He forced himself to smile. "No, I was there on business. I needed to get some special parts." He showed the two parts he'd recovered from KremKroc to the Kaptain. "I ran into some unforeseen trouble while konstrukting your blast-o-matic, sir, and I needed a pentagon-headed schnorzel and a red conductive isoglitchbouncer that is green to fiks it. These are very rarely-used parts, but we used them in some of KremKroc's machines, so I went to get them. There should be no delay in the kompletion."

"Oh. Okay." K. Rool said, "But eksplain this to me: why where you seen hanging around with Dedede and Kirby Kong in KremKroc?"

Kunning smiled. "I tricked them into helping me find these parts. I figured you'd appreciate the irony of those two unwittingly helping you destroy their island." seeing the Kaptain's suspicious stare, he added "A klever krokodile like you would certainly laugh at it."

K. Rool erupted into laughter. "Har-har-har, that was very klever of you to trick them like that! You're bekoming more like your Kaptain!"

Kunning chuckled along. "If only."

K. Rool gestured at the five other crocodiles. "You guys kan go. Looks like there'll be no need for his skull to be kracked open after all."

The guards seemed disappointed and left. "Well, that's a relief." Kunning said, "the ship's launch might have to be delayed if my brain were spilt all over the floor here, and that would be terrible."

"Speaking of which, how long before the Koomooleewoolee is finished?"

Kunning trembled with annoyance at the mispronunciation of the ship's name. "Kumulonimbus. If Konstrukt didn't mess anything up while I was away, it should be finished in four days."

The Kaptain laughed evilly. "Eksellent, eksellent! Just four more days until I kan finally take my well-deserved revenge on those blasted Kongs! Har-har-har! Well, I don't think there's anything else for me to do here today, so I'll be in me Keep."

Kunning saluted as K. Rool walked away. When the crocodile was out of sight, he let out a sigh of relief. For a moment, he'd feared K. Rool wouldn't believe his lies, but everything had gone well. Kunning was going to walk on to his quarters when he heard another voice he didn't want to hear right now behind him.

"Kunning, there you are!" his assistant called.

Kunning sighed and turned around. "What is it, Konstrukt?"

"I was looking for you." the tortoise said. "Where were you for the past few days?"

"That is business between myself and the Kaptain. Now what do you want?"

"Well, while we were konstrukting the Kumulonimbus, I went over your design again, and I just kan't see how it kould ever destroy an island. I wanted to go to the Kaptain with this, but I figured I'd check it with you first."

Kunning had feared this from the beginning. The problem with the project was that the Kumulonimbus was way too complicated to be constructed by only idiots, he needed people with some smarts. Unfortunately it seemed Konstrukt was too smart for his own good. Kunning sniffed haughtily. "Of kourse _you_ kan't see it. _I_ am a brilliant technician, and if everyone kould just easily see how everything I design works, they kould have designed it in the first place and there wouldn't be any need for K. Rool to hire my considerable talents."

Konstrukt thought. "But I always learned engineering is all about making things as simple as they kan be while still working."

Konstrukt was right, of course, but Kunning could hardly tell him what would really happen when they reached DK Island. "Nonsense, if my designs were simple, any idiot kould make them for himself, I wouldn't be needed. Besides, if anyone kould just see how it all works, it would be very easy to sabotage."

Konstrukt seemed a lot less sure of himself now. "Um... Yeah... I guess. But how _does_ it work?"

"That doesn't koncern you. Just follow my designs and let me assure you, it _will_ work. In fakt, I'm a bit disappointed that you kan't see how it will work for yourself. _I_ kan see it and the Kaptain kan see it. Maybe I should find another assistant, one who does have the ability-"

"Nonononono, that's kwite alright! I kan still build it for you, even if I kan't see how it'll work! In fakt, I'll get back to work right away, I'll order the men to work even harder!"

Konstrukt started hobbling down the corridor. "Konstrukt!" Kunning called after him, "Not a word of this to the Kaptain. He has seen the designs and knows how it works and doesn't want to be bothered by a lowly assistant-technician. He wouldn't be too pleased either to hear how small your insight is. Finding a replacement for you if he turns you into turtle-soup might delay the launch."

Konstrukt nodded and hobbled away. Kunning hoped he'd scared the tortoise enough for him not to talk to the Kaptain. If he did, consequences could be terrible. _Perhaps an accident should happen to Konstrukt... _Kunning thought, _The Kumulonimbus' main deck is very high, if someone were to fall from it, hitting the water would be like hitting concrete... On the other hand, the zap-coils used in construction are very unpredictable, no one will be too surprised if they fried someone again._

_On the other hand, Konstrukt seemed pretty scared, and finding a replacement for him would probably delay the launch. Or I'd have to oversee the construction myself._

Kunning decided to just keep an eye on Konstrukt.

–

_A few days later_

Diddy knocked on Cranky Kong's door in the middle of night, still panting from the long run.

"Cranky, open the door!" he called, "You have to help us!"

He heard Dixie's rapid footsteps and ragged, exhausted breath approach behind him, and finally she joined him in knocking at the door.

"All right, all right, I'm coming!" Cranky's voice came from inside, "I'm not as fast as I used to be and you woke me from my sleep, so have some patience, you silly whippersnappers! But someone had better be dying, or you're in a lot of trouble!"

Cranky opened the door in his pyjamas, his beard so messy that he bore some resemblance to Odin. "Well? What d'you-"

Diddy interrupted him. "!"

"What? Talk slower, my ears can't keep up with you! Or is that some kind of slang you silly youngsters use?"

Diddy took a deep breath. "Cranky, we helped this lizard get into the factory, but some Kremlings were spying on us and now we're in trouble!"

Cranky stared at him blankly for a moment and then began laughing. "Oh, is _that_ what you kids are calling it these days? Hee-hee, congratulations, and don't worry about voyeuring Kremlings. Why, back in my day-"

Diddy felt himself blush, and noticed an almost purple blush on Dixie's cheeks. "NO, NO, that's not what I meant at all! Let me explain it more thoroughly-"

Cranky seemed somewhat disappointed. "Well, whatever this is all about, I'm about to fall asleep standing here. Come in and explain it to me while we drink a cup of tea. Correction: while _I_ drink a cup of tea, you two are peppy enough already. I'll make you my secret drink without caffeine or sugar."

Once they all sat down on the couch and Cranky had gotten them all drinks, Diddy and Dixie took turns telling their adventure to Cranky.

"...So you see, we need to get to Crocodile Island right now, as K. Rool's ship will be ready to destroy the island this afternoon. So we need two jetpacks like the one you built me once." Diddy concluded.

"Hmm..." Cranky said, "That's gonna be a problem. I only have one jetpack, and it'd take several days to build another. That is, if I can get that lazy idiot Funky to help me again at all. But even if I had two jetpacks, you'd never get to Crocodile Island with them. They're meant for short distances, whilet Crocodile Island is hundreds of kilometres away. You should've asked this cunning technician of yours for one of those "portable helicopter" thingies of his."

"No, Kunning was his name."

"Well, I'm getting to old to hear the difference between a c and a k. You'll have to find some other way to get to Crocodile Island."

The three Kongs thought in silence. "Maybe Squawks can fly us there?" Diddy proposed.

Dixie shook her head. "He could never carry both of us that far. Hey, maybe we could cross the sea in one of Funky's boats?"

Diddy shook his head. "No, a boat would take too long. We only have about twelve hours."

"Funky built a very fast boat for me while you were kidnapped, he named it the Turbo Ski. If we went by boat, we also wouldn't get shot out of the air, like what happened last time we went to Crocodile Island."

Diddy shrugged. "I guess if it's really that fast, we'd better go wake Funky. Thanks for the help, Cranky."

Diddy and Dixie got ready to leave, but Cranky said: "Funky went to a beach party on the other side of the island with Candy and that lazy grandson of mine. He's not home."

"Damn," Diddy said, "knowing Funky it'll be morning by the time he gets back, and then it'll be too late."

The Kongs thought in silence again until Dixie spoke up. "We could just "borrow" the Turbo Ski."

Diddy couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Steal from Funky?"

Dixie shrugged. "Well, it wouldn't really be stealing, as we're going to give it back. It'd be borrowing without permission."

Cranky laughed. "Hee-hee, you're a smart girl. You remind me of myself when I was your age. Ah, those were the days..."

The idea of stealing their friend's boat revolted Diddy. He couldn't believe Dixie was actually suggesting it. "Call it what you want, it's stealing. We're not going to steal from our friend."

"You mean _you_'re not going to steal it, because unless you come up with a better plan, I _am_ going to steal the Turbo Ski. The entire island is at stake, including Funky himself. But if you prefer to have that on your conscience than stealing a boat, I'll go by myself."

Diddy sipped his glass of water in thought. He had to admit that she was right, that there was no other option, but it felt so wrong. "Fine." he sighed.

"Good boy." Cranky said sarcastically, "Now that you've finally listened to your much smarter girlfriend, maybe you can get going. I'll start waking everyone here up so that we can try to form some defence or evacuate or something."

–

The Kongs stood on the dock, looking at the shiny Turbo Ski. The fact that it was so beautiful and well-polished made Diddy feel even more rotten about what they were about to do. He also noted, with some surprise, that he felt angry at Dixie for the first time ever. Of course, he'd been annoyed or somewhat angrish at her before when she teased him, but he had never felt such a real, bitter anger at her.

_Come on,_ he thought, _that's not fair. She's just trying to save the island in the only way possible._

_She did come up with this idea very quickly though._

_If she hadn't suggested it, we'd still be trying to think of a way to stop K. Rool._

_And maybe then we'd have thought of a better way, one that doesn't involve stealing a friend's boat._

He noticed that Dixie had already jumped into the Turbo Ski, was starting the engine, and had a quizzical look in her eyes. "Are you coming?"

Diddy sighed and stepped onto the boat. "All right. But this feels like such a bad thing to do."

Dixie started the boat, and they took off with high speed. "Look, I don't exactly like stealing Funky's boat either, but it's the only way to save the island, so just get over it."

"I'm _sorry_, but _I_ can't just turn my conscience off."

"Implying that _I_ can? I don't like this any more than you, but at least I have the flexibility not to whine about my conscience when much more important things are at stake!"

""Flexibility", is _that_ what you call it?"

"If you can't get it through your thick skull that there are more important things at stake than this boat, why don't you jump off now that we're still close enough to the island to swim back? I don't need your help, so either leave or shut up and let me focus on steering."

Diddy didn't jump off the Turbo Ski, but he folded his arms angrily and turned away from Dixie. Angry at each other, they crossed the silent, nightly sea without speaking a word for several hours. The horizon to starboard slowly lighted up, then the light spread across the sky, dispelling the stars and finally the brightest planets one by one. A blazing red stripe of Sun appeared above the horizon. The rest of the Sun slowly rose while Diddy's anger at Dixie cooled down. He felt somewhat ashamed as he realised that she was just doing what was necessary, and he'd been one step away from calling her evil for it.

Diddy turned to Dixie, who was still driving the boat like she had been for hours. He scraped his throat. "Uhm... Dix? I'm... sorry for acting like a complete tosser just then."

Dixie slowly turned to him with a sentimental half-smile and a sparkling tear in her eye. "Yeah... I-I'm sorry for getting so angry at you and... um..." Her voice trailed off, and suddenly she threw her arms around Diddy, pulling him into a tight embrace. Diddy gladly held her, happy that everything was okay between them again after their quarrel. Dixie looked him in the eyes at very close distance, and Diddy was overwhelmed by the beauty of her emerald eyes. He moved a bit forward to try and kiss her, but suddenly the boat gave a violent jerk to the left, making the two monkeys let go of each other and nearly lose their balance. Dixie jumped back behind the wheel.

"I guess we don't have time for that sort of thing right now. I have to focus on driving."

–

Several more hours passed as morning turned into noon. Just when they were getting afraid they might not reach Crocodile Island in time, they spotted it on the horizon. The first thing that was visible was K. Rool's grey stone keep on the mountain's summit, grim and intimidating even at this range. As they approached, more and more of the island was visible. The smoke emanating from the Crocodile Cauldron and Krazy Kremland's lights were easy to recognise, but something strange had happened to the Krem Quay. It was very hard to see at this distance, but Diddy could clearly make out a big splodge of black or dark grey in the swamp instead of the green-greyish all over.

"Dix, can you see what that _thing_ in the Krem Quay is?"

Dixie squinted her eyes. "I'm... Not sure... It looks like stone, or maybe metal. Do you think K. Rool would be dumb enough to build something on the Krem Quay's mud?"

Diddy shrugged. Whatever it was, it seemed worth investigating. As they approached, they noticed something else that had changed in the Krem Quay: the green had all gone. Only blue water and the grey form remained. "What did they do to the Krem Quay?" Diddy wondered rather unsettled. He didn't really remember the Krem Quay with any fondness, as it had been rather boring, but it had been the only place that could reasonably be considered "safe" on Crocodile Island. It had been an ocean of life, and Diddy was quite sorry that it seemed to be gone. Approaching even closer, it was rapidly becoming clear just how _huge_ the dark grey object was. It occupied quite a large part of the Quay, and seemed to be about as large as K. Rool's Keep except horizontal.

"That can't be a building..." Diddy thought aloud, "it would've sunk in the mud long ago... Even now that they removed the mud, they can hardly have built underwater... Blimey!" Dixie turned in surprise. "Dix, it's a ship! A gigantic ship, they must be building the blast-o-matic on that thing!"

"You're right, it _is_ a ship! But that thing would easily dwarf even K. Rool's metal island. I guess that's why they destroyed the Krem Quay, they needed a place to build that behemoth."

A thought occurred to Diddy. "I wonder... Why does K. Rool bother with a blast-o-matic at all? That thing must have devastating firepower on its own and besides, I'd wager just the sight of it would be enough to make most surrender."

"Good point. Maybe K. Rool doesn't realise there's such a thing as overkill?"

Now that they were certain the metallic floating monstrosity was their target, Dixie steered the ship straight for the former Krem Quay. The ship became ever more impressive. At least twenty decks stood upon each other, each one littered with myriads of portals that no doubt held cannons or similar weaponry. Despite its size it looked a lot sleeker and more seaworthy than K. Rool's mechanical island that he had once used. From this distance the Kongs could read its name in big green letters on the side: _Kumulonimbus_.

The rest of the Krem Quay had been completely dug out, all the mud and plants removed. It was now a bay with many buildings on the shores. Walkways between the shores and the Kumulonimbus crossed over the water. Though the Kumulonimbus already towered above them it was still pretty far away.

Seeing a small indent in the rocky side of the bay, the Kongs decided to park the Turbo Ski there so it wouldn't be discovered or attacked and swam the last bit.

As they swam, they tried thinking of a way to get into the Kumulonimbus.

"Maybe we can disguise as a Kremling again?"

"I don't think so." Dixie said resolutely. "Remember what happened last time we did that? We should try something else, like... Maybe we could climb in through one of those cannon portals?"

Diddy looked up. "Doesn't look like it. They're at least seven metres up, and made of metal. That walkway over there is high enough to reach them, though, so we shall try there."

–

"Knark! Knark, you've got a bite!"

Knark woke up from his slumber and looked at his float. It had submerged under water, and something was pulling it away fast. "Aye, must be a big one!"

Knark pulled the rod, but instead of a fish a whole lot of blonde hair surfaced.

"Wh-what's that?" Knurk asked startled.

"I'll tell you what it is: it's a mermaid! Help me haul her in!"

Hauling the mermaid in felt a bit like a tug of war. Knark and Knurk both pulled as hard on the rod as they could, walking back to haul the mermaid in. They couldn't see the mermaid due to the walkway blocking the view from back here, but Knark was certain she would be incredibly pretty, and he'd either have a gorgeous mermaid as a girlfriend or a lot of money if he sold her to a circus. The mermaid's splashing in the water stopped as she was lifted above the surface, and instead she started cursing a lot fouler than Knark would have expected from a mermaid. Eventually they lifted her above the walkway, but instead of a pretty mermaid, a very angry looking monkey with a massive head of long blonde hair hung on his hook by her hair. Knark and Knurk dropped the fishing pole in surprise and she fell on the walkway. She got up, the fishing line still hanging from her hair, and picked up Knurk's rod that he had dropped at the walkway's edge.

–

Diddy climbed up the walkway, hearing screams and sounds of fighting come from above. When he reached the walkway's top, he saw a furious Dixie beat the everloving daylight out of two apologising and wailing Kremlings using a fishing pole. Her ponytail had come undone and her long hair flowed everywhere. Diddy cringed as she hit one of them so hard it probably broke a rib or two. Then he restrained Dixie by grabbing her arms from behind. Her long hair, which was a complete mess, itched in his face.

"What the- Let me go!" Dixie fumed as she wriggled and kicked to escape. The Kremlings saw their chance and dived off the walkway immediately, swimming for their lives. "YEAH, YOU'D BETTER SWIM FAST!" Dixie screamed after them, "BECAUSE IF I EVER FIND YOU, I'M GONNA FORCE-FEED YOU THOSE FISHING POLES!"

She tried to kick Diddy to escape. "You, let me go! Why are you holding me back, you backstabber?"

"Because once you calm down, you'll be glad I stopped you from hurting those guys too much over an accident."

Dixie struggled some more, but Diddy didn't let go. Finally she stopped struggling. "Alright, I am calm. Now let me go." Diddy did so. "Hmpf, look what they did to my hair!"

Her hair was, indeed, a complete mess, though on the other hand Diddy also found it looked rather attractive. "Your hair is fine, it's just gone loose. Tie it back into a ponytail and it'll be fine."

Dixie rolled her eyes. "Wow, I'd never have thought of that myself! I don't have a spare elastic with me, and the salt water only made it worse!"

"Then just let it hang loose, it makes you look rather foxy."

Dixie blushed, and so did Diddy when he realised he said that aloud. "Um... Well," Dixie stammered, "the fishing is also still tied up somewhere in there."

"I'll get it out for you." Diddy found the hook buried deep in the messy mass of hair, but it was hopelessly tangled.

"It will be pretty hard to get it out of your hair."

"Then-" suddenly the Kumulonimbus emitted a low, loud rumble. "Oh no, they're starting the engines! We have to get on board now!"

Diddy just cut the fishing line where it emerged from Dixie's hair.

"Just great." Dixie sighed. "Now I'm walking around with fishing line hanging from my hair. Maybe I should wear a bird's nest and some oysters in there too for the complete insane-homeless-sea-hag look. Anyway, maybe we can open that portal over there."

They tried to open a cannon portal that was just a bit above the walkways, but the solid steel portal wouldn't budge. The Kumulonimbus started moving, very slowly at first, and the Kongs could do nothing but look on in desperation. Diddy couldn't believe it: had they come all this way just to see the ship sail away? It seemed not, as an oncoming portal wasn't completely shut. The Kongs leaped, caught on the portal as it passed by, and it opened as each hung from one door. Strangely there was no cannon inside, just an empty metal room.

Crossing the room, the Kongs entered a long metal corridor. On the same side as the room they came from it had myriads of doors leading to cannon chambers. The Kongs ran through the corridor for a while when suddenly a door opened up behind them. A Kremling came out.

"Huh? Guys, Kongs on the ship! Let's get 'em!"

The Kongs ran from the Kremlings and went through the door at the corridor's end. They ran up some metal stairs and came into another corridor. Then they saw a hole in the ceiling that was large enough to climb through. When they did so, they entered a small dark ventilation duct that seemed to run parallel to the corridor and frequently had openings on the corridor.

"Huh, where'd they go?" one of the trailing Kremlings said.

"They must've gone the other way, let's go!"

They walked through the ventilation duct where they couldn't be spotted. After a while they heard footsteps in the corridor. When they looked, they saw a familiar face.

"Look, it's Kunning." Diddy said, "he's still alive!"

"I wonder how..." Dixie said, "But that's not important right now. Let's go say hi."

Then they heard another voice and decided not to go down. "Kunning! Kunning!"

A turtle came running after Kunning. "Yes, what is it?" Kunning sounded annoyed.

"We kan't leave yet! We haven't finished the konstruction yet! We only have a few kannons, some of their portals don't work properly, and we're grossly undermanned!"

"Too late, the Kaptain is here. If we tell him to delay the launch he'd likely kill us both. It doesn't matter either way, as all systems we'll really need are working. And now stop bothering me, I have to get to the Kontrol Room."

"Dix, if Kunning's still alive, that means he will have sabotaged the blast-o-matic."

Dixie giggled. "A few days of worrying for nothing. Let's follow him to the Control Room."

The Kongs followed Kunning through the ventilation ducts. It wasn't easy, as he was walking quite rapidly and the ducts were sometimes tricky to walk through. Kunning walked up many floors, and in the end entered a big room. A duct's exit/entrance was looking out on it. In the middle of the room, on a throne, sat Kaptain K. Rool, one eye hideously swollen as usual.

"There you are! Is the blast-o-matic ready?"

Kunning smiled. "Everything is set, sir. In a few minutes nothing will ever trouble you again."

–

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I had this chapter planned as two chapters. Originally chapter five would have ended when they "borrow" Funky's boat, and chapter six would have been the rest. But as I wrote it, I decided it would work better as a single chapter.

If you read this chapter yesterday, you would've seen a special April Fools' Day chapter named "Kaboom!". For those of you who missed it, here it is:

Chapter Five: Kaboom!

Kunning walked through the construction headquarters, a jolly spring in his step. Everything had gone far better than expected, and now he'd have a few days to prepare. Flying through the cold evening air for so long had cooled him down a bit, though, so right now the first thing he was planning to do was return to his quarters to bask under the big warm lamp there. He turned a corner, and ran into the last person he wanted to see right now. Kaptain K. Rool was waiting for him, an insane grin on his face and five big crocodile guards around him.

"Welkome back, Kunning." K. Rool said, "I hear you went on a little trip to KremKroc. Where you getting a bit nostalgic?"

"Uh..." Kunning stammered, "I-Uh-that is-well-you see-"

K. Rool gestured to the guards. "Krack his skull open and spill his smug brain all over the floor."

Kunning felt an immense thud, seething pain, and then nothing.

–

_A few days later_

Kaptain K. Rool sat laughing on his big throne on the ship. He was laughing because he was about to rid himself of those pesky Kongs forever through an island-shattering kaboom.

"Fire the blast-o-matic!" he ordered the replacement technician.

–

Meanwhile, Diddy and Dixie were running for their lives in a panicky haste. Climbing back down the mountain had taken even longer than they had expected, and it was already the afternoon of their final day and they had just reached the Kongo Jungle's edge. The realisation that they'd never make it in time dawned on Diddy.

"Dix," he said between ragged breaths as they ran, "we'll never make it to the ship! The only thing we can do is warn as many people as we can to leave the island immediately."

"No!" Dixie said, "I've got a cunning plan. We can still save the island and beat K. Rool if we follow it."

Diddy liked what he heard. "Is it as cunning as a fox who has just been appointed as Oxford Professor of Cunning?"

Dixie smiled. "As a matter of fact, it is. Here's what we do: first we-"

Unfortunately she was interrupted by an immense explosion that vaporised her, Diddy, and everything else on DK Island.

–

"Sir, are you alright?" K. Rool's newly promoted chief technician asked worried.

K. Rool tried to catch his breath in between his catatonic laughing fit. "Har-har-har-har-har! Yes, I'm alright. I'm just very glad I'm finally rid of those pesky Kongs. It's too bad that it's 1 April (or 2 April, depending on your lokation), so by tomorrow the real chapter five will have been uploaded and replaced this one." he sighed. "Oh well, at least I got to win just this once, even if it's only for a day."


	6. A Change of Plans

Chapter Six: A Change of Plans

When K. Rool saw a tiny green dot appear on the horizon in the big screen, he sat upright immediately. "DK Island is in sight!" he laughed, "Just a few minutes now and it'll be gone forever! Har-har, that lumbering fool Donkey Kong will be fooling around, eating bananas or marvelling at how stupid he is, and then suddenly an island-shattering kaboom will blow him up! And not just him, but Derpy and Trixie and all those other pesky Kongs that have dared to mess with me! Har-har-har, oh, I've waited a long time for this!"

The island approached ever closer until it filled most of the screen. "I've dreamt of this day for a long time now, the day I finally take my revenge on those stinking Kongs. They've defeated me four times now, but as they say, fifth time's a charm. I'll destroy all of them in a single eksplosion! Kunning, destroy that pesky island."

"I'm afraid I kan't do that, Kaptain." Kunning said calmly.

In the ventilation duct above the Control Room, the two Kongs watching the scene grinned. K. Rool turned sharply to Kunning and stared at him with his twitchy eye. "Don't you think it's a bit late to get sekond thoughts about this? What's it gonna be, are you going to destroy that island or am I going to have you eksekuted?"

"You don't understand sir. It's not that I don't want to destroy DK Island, it's just that this ship is physically inkapable of destroying an island."

K. Rool stared at him in surprise. "Huh? What d'you mean? Why kan't it?"

"Bekause I didn't build it to be kapable of destroying an island." K. Rool furiously stood up to kill Kunning personally. "I built it to be kapable of konquering said island."

"What?" K. Rool, Diddy, and Dixie said at the same moment.

"This ship is a floating invasion platform bekause I didn't waste precious time and resources on a blast-o-matic, and instead built a gigantic arsenal of weapons, as well as my masterpiece, a mighty secret weapon. Imagine an armoured kar, kompletely enkased in inpenetrable steel, with a kannon firing missiles mounted on the outside. It's an unstoppable and invincible vehikle of death, easily kapable of krushing any opposition the Kongs kan raise."

K. Rool's face was alternating between glee, fury, and surprise. "You- you-"

Kunning smiled smugly. "I kall it a tank. With the tank and all the other weapons in this ship, the entire population of DK Island will be subjugated in a matter of hours. Any who resist shall be krushed."

K. Rool seemed to settle on furious. "You! You ignored my orders! You lied to me! I sh-"

Kunning raised his voice, interrupting K. Rool. "I advised you several times to rekonsider destroying DK Island. I told you I kould konkwer it for you, but you didn't want to listen to reason. You stared yourself blind at your petty wish for revenge. But what good will blowing the island up really do us? Why not konquer it and put it to good use? I've been to DK Island a few days ago as you know, and I kan tell you it has a massive amount of natural resources: wide forests to kut, rich minerals and metals to mine from the ground, a strong population to put to work, and most importantly: KremKroc!"

"KremKroc?"

"Yes, KremKroc. We should never have left it! I had those faktories running so inkredibly smoothly, we kould make anything you wanted, and then the idiot who took over from me on my day off just decided to abandon it bekause some apes kaused a bit of damage! Think of the produktion power we kould get if we took back what is ours in the first place, and ask yourself whether you really want to waste it all by destroying it. Why destroy what you kan konquer?"

K. Rool was silent for a moment, and then he started laughing. "Ha-ha! Hahahaharrrr! You fooled even _me_ this time! Hahaha, yer right! Why would I destroy those Kongs and their pesky island when I kan make them tremble under my iron fist and make their deaths so much slower? You've got guts, fooling me like that, but I like it! Now, how will the men use your weapons and how do you think we should attack?"

Kunning smiled smugly. "I have already ordered all the men on the ship to a special training room where they are at present being instrukted in the use of my weapons. In two hours they will have enough training to konquer that island. More ekstensive training will have to be given later on, of kourse, but it will do for now. In two hours, when their basik training is finished, we shall launch an invasion of the island, beginning at KremKroc. We shall kapture the island's summit first, as all the important points are up there."

"I think we should start the invasion at the Kongo Jungle. Even though I've settled for not destroying the Kongs, I still want to get rid of them as soon as possible."

"What's the hurry? There's nothing they'll be able to do once we kapture KremKroc. When I get the faktories up and running again, I kan build more tanks! Pikture it, an entire fleet of undefeatable weapons vankwishing your enemies!"

K. Rool's is twitchy eye relaxed a bit and drool appeared in his jaw's corner. "I like that idea... Alright, we'll follow your plan. But how are you planning to get the men up on the mountain's top?"

"I'm glad you asked that, bekause I will make this ship float using another brilliant invention of mine. Right now the Kumulonimbus is kollekting masses of seawater. That seawater is then elektrolysed into hydrogen and oxygen. The oxygen goes to the main engine where it speeds up the burning of fuel, while the hydrogen is kollekted in several large balloons. Since hydrogen is much lighter than air, the ship will eventually start to float. If all my kalkulations are korrect, this should happen in just under two hours."

K. Rool looked at him with a blank expression. "Huh?"

"I paid a homeless wizard a few pieces of eight to make him enchant the ship. It kan fly now." Kunning said condescendingly.

"Oh. Ok." K. Rool said. "So we just fly the ship to KremKroc and the men kome out and attack?"

"Yes. That's pretty much the idea."

K. Rool laughed. "That's a brilliant plan. You're a lot smarter than I thought. I mean, you managed not only to trick _me_, but you also got away with it alive! I should listen to your advise more klosely."

Kunning took a piece of paper from his pocket and unfolded it. "That's good, bekause I have another idea. Take a look at this."

K. Rool looked over the paper. "What is it?"

"It's a design for a new chain of kommand. Surely you have noticed our kurrent system is very poorly designed?"

"I have?"

Kunning nodded. "You most certainly have. Since we have no solid ranks, whoever is the strongest or biggest just ends up playing boss regardless of intellektual prowess. Yourself eksepted, of kourse, I'm talking about the men on smaller skales. This is a very wasteful system, as it means strong Kremlings, who should be doing the fighting, end up giving orders while smart but physikally weak Kremlings, who should give orders, end up fighting. I designed a new system for you, and it would solve these problems, as each of us would get a solid rank and these ranks would get a proper order from low to high, with yourself at the top of kourse."

K. Rool looked at the paper. "I think I like it. It sounds good. What will I have to do to implement it?"

"Well, if you look at the paper, you'll see that you will need to appoint a General. He will be the sekond-in-kommand of the entire Krem Krew and leader of all the fighting men. When you appoint someone as General, he kan help you implement my plan."

"Hmm... This sounds very important... I'm not sure whom to pick... Wait a minute, you designed this, you tell me what sort of kwalities this General should have!"

Kunning started pacing around. "A good kwestion. The General should, in the first place, be very intelligent, so that he kan lead the men properly. Ideally, he should be smart enough to trick even you. He should be wise, since he will also be your main adviser and you only want the best kind of advice. But he should also be loyal and have a history of using his smarts to help you. Ideally you'll want a man who served you for many years, showed his smarts by building you the most inkredible machines, gave you brilliant advice, maybe even tricked you once or twice, but always for your own good, someone who made the invasion of DK Island possible, and yet is ambitionless enough never to have asked you for a title, and he should be modest enough not to realise that he himself would be the perfekt general." Kunning sighed. "Sadly, I kan't think of anyone like that apart from you yourself."

K. Rool started laughing. "Wait a minute! This is very funny: without knowing it, you've inadvertently shown me that you kould do the job!"

Kunning put a hand to his mouth in a fake expression of surprise. "Have I, sir? No! Me, sir? I'm honoured, but there must be so many others who would-"

"Nonsense! I appoint you as my General. Kongratulations, General Kunning!"

Kunning smiled. "Thank you, Kaptain."

"Now, how will we fill in all those ranks under you? You told me a General kould help me here, and I hope you're right, bekause I don't know every Kremling personally, so I'm not sure who should be high and who should be low..."

"Leave everything to me, sir. I will promote those who deserve it. You don't need to koncern yourself with it all."

"Eksellent, it would just give me a headache! Har-har, you're already showing yer worth as a General, taking work out of my hands. I'll just make an announcement informing everyone of this chain of kommand business and that you're now a General."

Kunning made a little bow. "Thank you, sir."

–

Kunning looked in the mirror. He had to admit he looked very handsome in the white uniform he was wearing. Of course, there wasn't really much point to wearing it at the moment, as no other Kremling wore a uniform yet, but they would have to be introduced at some point in the future. Until then he would just wear the uniform to affirm his authority as General.

Kunning grinned. "General Kunning Eisenring." he said, liking the sound of his brand-new title. He was happier than he'd been in a long time. Not only was he a General now, but K. Rool had proved to be even easier to manipulate than expected and in a few hours he would be the leader of KremKroc again.

Suddenly Kunning saw movement in the mirror: two monkeys dropped from the ventilation duct in the ceiling, landed in the middle of the room, and looked at him very angrily.

"That's quite a nice trick you played on us all." Diddy Kong said.

"You must be so happy with yourself. Traitor." Dixie Kong said.

Kunning sighed. Just when things were going so well.


End file.
